Hold Back the Night Read online

  The scene was a shambles and Sander was nowhere in sight. She found him, finally, in the bedroom, sprawled face-down on the bed with an empty brandy bottle in one hand, still clad in the heavy white turtleneck and brown suede trousers he had been wearing at the Tour Eiffel. Open drawers and spilled lingerie attested to Nicole's hasty and hot-tempered departure.

  Holding her breath with apprehension, Domini wrestled Sander's considerable weight over in order to assure herself that alcohol, not crockery, was responsible for his condition. There were no major contusions on his forehead, although the long scratch marks down one cheek testified to the ferocity of Nicole's fingernails. Relieved, she sat back to think.

  It occurred to her that Sander's anger might be somewhat tempered if he woke to less of a madhouse. In the litter of the bedroom she found a quilted satin robe and a pair of fur-trimmed satin mules that belonged to Nicole, and put them on to keep her warm and protect her feet. Slowly, and with no great hope of appeasing Sander's righteous rage, she started to tidy up, first in the bedroom, then in the living-room. An hour had passed by the time she was ready to begin on the kitchen, where most of the breakage had occurred.

  She was on her knees over a dustpan when she heard the voice behind her. 'You,' groaned a thick male voice, and she turned to see him looming in the doorway, his face rough with the beginnings of stubble.

  She came to her feet and said simply, 'I'm sorry.'

  'You're sorry!' He laughed harshly, without mirth, and cast his eyes heavenward. Although Domini could smell the odour of brandy hanging heavily in the air, he didn't appear to be drunk, and for that she gave silent thanks. But the raked cheekbone gave him the look of a ruffian, and there was no mistaking the intense hostility in every muscle of his tall, powerful frame.

  His eyes came back to rest on her, hot with unconcealed antagonism. 'You spoiled little bitch,' he grated. 'Won't you stop at anything to get what you want?'

  Domini had expected criticism, but this was unfair. She drew herself to her proudest height, still many inches short of Sander's despite the slight heels on Nicole's slippers. 'I only told the truth,' she retorted levelly.

  'The truth? You little idiot!' His lips drew back into a snarl, briefly baring strong white teeth. His hands were flexing at his sides, as though he would like nothing more than to wring Domini's neck. 'Are you so damn sure the world revolves around you? One impetuous kiss and you think a man has thrown himself at your feet!'

  'But that's exactly what you were doing,' Domini replied; with justice, she thought. 'When Nicole interrupted, you were telling me that ... '

  'That I wish you would realize a man is not a unicorn! That he can't be seduced into bed just because you offer yourself at every turn! That when I ask you to stay clear of me, I mean it! In my book virginity is no prize ... in fact it's a damn impediment!'

  'But you kissed me,' she said, eyes uncertain.

  'Only because your mouth got in my way ... and because your lips were damn aggressive! I wasn't in my right mind after all those stairs, and it took a moment to collect my wits. Besides, one impulse isn't an invitation to go to bed, as you assumed on the spot. I'd never have been unfaithful to Nicole ... good God, we've been together for nearly three years.'

  Insecurely Domini said, 'But you haven't married her. People marry when they want to be faithful. I thought ...'

  Acidly Sander broke through her words. 'Married or not, I wasn't about to have an affair with anyone ... least of all you! There simply seems no nice way to tell you that you are not wantedV

  There was real fury glittering in his eyes, and Domini's face drained. Had she misunderstood so much? She stared at him, eyes huge, sick at her own naivete, sick with realization. What she had interpreted as desire had been only impulse; what she had interpreted as a proposition had been only kindness, an easy letting-down of a young girl who had been too forward.

  'I didn't understand,' she said, her face white.

  'Even if you misunderstood, you had no right to do as you did,' he gritted. He had moved several paces towards Domini, and there was menace in the brandy smell of his breath. His hand closed over her shoulder, the work-roughened fingers rasping against the silky surface of the cloth. 'Did it never occur to you that I might actually love Nicole? That she might actually love me!'

  Domini shook her head in denial, a little fear touching her eyes. It was her first experience of real fear and she could no longer speak. Sander's harshness had caused the words to clog in her throat. She was alarmingly aware of her utter helplessness and of his superior physical strength, of the muscles made strong by the manual demands of his calling. But through it all, like the theme of a composition, ran another refrain ... the sexual excitement evoked by his nearness and his touch. For once she wanted not to feel such sensations, wanted not to respond to Sander's powerful physique, but she had not yet learned the lesson of curbing her body's impulses.

  His gaze dropped from her face and moved scornfully over the length of her, as if the contact with her shoulder had caused him, too, to become conscious of her physical vulnerability. What he saw seemed to anger him anew.

  'Nicole's robe,' he uttered in a hissing whisper. 'Were you so anxious to fill her role? Let's see if you like it when you do!'

  With that his mouth clamped over hers, tongue and teeth grinding mercilessly to pry her lips apart. With alarm she realized his self-control was far more impaired by alcohol than she had at first suspected; that despite the lack of slur and unsteadiness, he was still suffering the effects of the brandy he had downed not so very long ago. Uttering little strangling sounds deep in her throat, Domini clenched her teeth and fought desperately against the unwanted invasion. Her fists pounded against his broad chest but it might have been rock, immutable and unfeeling. Within moments her hands were manacled roughly in one of his and wrenched swiftly behind her back. With his other hand he gripped her jaw, trying to force her submission.

  When she gasped for air, mouth already bruised and swollen by his savagery, he at last intruded deeply, ravishing the inner softness with such thoroughness and lack of mercy that she thought she would surely faint. On his tongue were the pungent tastes of alcohol and tobacco, mingling with the pervasive and powerful flavour of masculinity. Against all reason and against her will, the violent and loveless probing overpowered her senses and set them to swirling. The delirium of the earlier kiss returned, dizzying her and sending flushes of anticipation over skin that felt chilled and heated all at once. His anger notwithstanding, she began to respond and in that moment he jerked himself abruptly away.

  But already Domini was past protesting or resisting. Hurting all over, and with her defences in total disorder, she could only lean her head weakly against his shoulder, drinking deep gulps of air and hating herself because she wanted him so.

  She clung to him sobbing, trembling with a desire induced by too many erotic imaginings, tears streaming over cheeks raw from the stubble of his jaw. Unmoved, Sander gripped her shoulders and held her a little away so that he could look full into her face. If her anguish moved him in any way, it didn't show in the bitter hardness of his mouth.

  'Have you changed your mind, now that you've had a taste of what I feel for you? If so, get out of my apartment and out of my life! Or perhaps you need a stronger lesson, and perhaps I shall enjoy teaching it after all . . . Is that what you want?'

  She longed to leave but could not, and so she stood helplessly swaying in his grasp, desperation fighting a losing battle with desire. As if Sander sensed this, his mouth curled into a deeper contempt.

  'What, no answer?' he mocked. 'Well, I shall find the answer for myself.'

  Steadying her with one hand, he jerked away the sash of the satin robe. It parted in front, revealing the almost childlike simplicity of the cotton garment beneath. For a moment his eyes smouldered over the soft swell of Domini's breasts and the crests of them, visible as faint shadows behind the fine thin fabric.

  'Aroused, I see,' he taunted.


  Instructed in such things, Domini knew what bodily changes he must have detected in her breasts. She hung her head, shamed. 'No,' she murmured. 'No...'

  'Yes,' contradicted Sander, lifting her chin so that she could see the cruel derision hardening his mouth. 'Yes.'

  With deliberation, watching her face as he did so, he grazed the tip of one nipple lightly through the lawn and then moulded it between thumb and forefinger. Hard already, it hardened yet more, springing erect beneath his ungentle seizure. Sick with mortification and yet shaking with strange uncontrollable new feelings, Domini closed her eyes and moaned, swaying forward with parted lips.

  'Oh, God,' exploded Sander as if in pain, 'is there nothing you won't allow?'

  She opened her eyes and saw the naked hunger in his eyes, the wanting that had twisted his mouth into a slash of anguish. Primitive in her reactions, she listened not to his words but to her own instincts. They told her that his blood was pounding, too; that he hungered for the conquest as much as she ached to be conquered; that the anger in him was in large part the anger of frustrated desire. Wouldn't the anger pass if she allowed what he wanted? And didn't she want it too?

  She knew that with a few words she could make all the erotic fantasies of the past few weeks come true. 'I love you,' she whispered with no second thoughts.

  In the next instant Domini felt herself swept into strong arms. With rage and passion warring in his face, Sander strode for his living-room, gaining it in moments and kicking the door to the landing closed behind him. He deposited Domini on a couch and then crossed to the bedroom, closing that door, too, with one violent sweep of his hand. It said more clearly than words that she was not being invited to take Nicole's place in his life. A chill of doubt touched Domini's skin. But wouldn't his rage soon end?

  'Undress,' he rasped, turning to face her from across the room. His stance was vengeful, his jaw grim. When she failed to obey at once, he demanded, 'At least get Nicole's robe off or I'll tear it from your back!'

  Shivering, she slid the satin garment from her shoulders and sat watching him with apprehensive eyes. Nothing in her life had prepared her for the perplexity of sensations she felt … the clamour of heart, the clamminess of skin, the wild trembling of her limbs.

  With no ceremony Sander peeled the sweater from his back, revealing his wide shoulders and broad chest. At his lean waist the chest hair arrowed, drawing the eye downward even as it disappeared. The lithe, aggressive thighs hypnotized Domini as a flame hypnotizes a moth. Unconcealed by the close cut of the suede trousers, the powerful contours of his body were taut with readiness. Even knowing what to expect, she found herself shaken at such visible proof that the textbooks had not exaggerated about male anatomy.

  He advanced across the room, closing in until he came to a stop at the side of the couch. Domini realized she must have been staring openly when Sander paused with his hands at his zipper and said angrily, 'A man's body can't help itself any more than yours can. Didn't you know what to expect, you foolish child?'

  She nodded, too heartsick at his tone to respond in words, unable to tell him that it was his anger, not his desire, that alarmed her. But the anger would pass, wouldn't it, when the love-making began? She smiled up at him uncertainly and tensed her fingers over a cushion, a gesture that betrayed her nervousness.

  It seemed only to infuriate Sander further. 'This is your doing, not mine! Turn your eyes away, then, if you don't dare to look at what you've done to me!

  'Sander, please,' she whispered in agony, her eyes enormous, bearing silent supplication that he cease his cruelties.

  'Saints preserve us,' he groaned, and for a moment he stood there with head thrown back, eyes closed as if in extreme pain, teeth clenched with effort and agony.

  Domini saw beads of sweat form on his forehead and slide unchecked over the dangerously clenched jaw. At length his entire frame shuddered and he muttered shakily: 'Go, then. But for the sake of my sanity do it at once! If you're still there when I open my eyes, I won't be responsible for my actions!'

  Domini caught her breath and held it, the desire to flee evaporating with the opportunity to do so. For too many weeks, too many erotic fantasies had filled her head, and Sander's strong sexual urge excited her, just as his last-minute forbearance reassured her. Wasn't this what she had wanted all along?

  When there were no sounds of departure, Sander opened his eyes. He took in her tousled hair, her expectant eyes, her mouth reddened and swollen by his earlier onslaught. His dark pupils silvered not with compassion but with contempt. Nervously Domini wetted her lips, unaware that the mannerism appeared thoroughly provocative.

  'So ready to submit to a man, even one who doesn't love you?' The cruelty had returned to his voice, replacing the anguish of moments before. Angrily he lowered his zipper. His flanks came free, the virile hips hard, marble-smooth, untouched by sun, the maleness of him overpowering now that the trappings of civilization had been discarded.

  'You little fool,' he muttered savagely as he came down beside her, his voice thickened with dangerous emotion. 'You seductive little fool . . . don't you know I'll never forgive you for what you've done?'

  But Domini thought he would. She met his fiercely intrusive kiss ardently, offering openly and fully the softness, the vulnerability of herself. Her hands were pressed against his naked chest, and the first feel of its textures sent a shock of electricity running through her fingertips. Reckless in her abandon, she moved her palms to explore what only her eye had known; to mould the unyielding muscles of his upper arms, to feel the sculpture of his powerful shoulders, the straining tendons of his nape. Each part of him felt hard, warm, wonderful. And then she wound her passionate arms around his neck and clung, willing away thoughts of the unkind things he had said, optimistic in thinking that he would surely forgive and forget once he had taken her in the act of love.

  Impatient, he took no time to strip her of her nightdress. His palms blazed over the flimsy cotton, caressing the young breasts to peaks of desire, moving restlessly downward to push the fabric to her waist, baring the golden goal he intended to brand as his. Clinging to his kiss and as hot-blooded as he, Domini clutched his shoulders and gave herself up to all the passion of her nature. Delirious with pure sensation, she arched and moaned as his searching hand roughly sought her vulnerable thighs, lingering only long enough to test her readiness. Finding the answer, he pushed her legs apart to receive him and mounted her at once, mastering her easily and deeply without once freeing her mouth. The thrust that cost Domini her innocence came before Sander lifted his head away from that long, reckless, impassioned kiss.

  'Oh, God,' he groaned, as if from the very depths of his being, as he sank his face into the softness of her throat. A deep spasm shook his shoulders. 'Oh, God, it's done.'

  Domini moved her fingertips to the base of his hair, digging into the vital crispness while she gasped through a rigid moment of deep-driving discomfort. But nothing could stop what nature had started, nor restore what Sander had taken. Moments later his dark head lifted, his eyes smouldering with black, embittered passions too strong to be long denied.

  'That's what you wanted. Are you so sure you like it, now that it's too late?'

  For Domini, the stirrings of desire were already rising to blot out the pain of first possession. Quivering at the fullness of his need for her, proud of her new womanhood and longing to discover the moment she had read of but never known, she ran her fingers into his hair to bring his face close to hers. 'Teach me to make love,' she whispered eagerly.

  'This isn't love,' he shot back at her, a terrible silver fire leaping in his eyes. 'It's lust. Lust and rage and nothing more! Love is what I had with Nicole!'

  Suddenly more frightened than she could tell, Domini shook her head in a soundless denial, willing him to stop when the stopping point had long been passed. Her whole body tensed and arched, willing his away, but the joining had already been done, and the movement seemed only to incite him to a frenzy of
passion. His hands cupped her head to hold it still, and his mouth descended again, forcing her lips apart with a ferocity that should not have been required, had he given any heed to Domini's needs. The cry of protest she might have voiced was driven into silence by the depth of that kiss. His lips were cruel, barbaric in their assault. Stifled and shocked, Domini was too well pinioned by his virile limbs to think of struggling free. But she no longer thrilled to the masculine texture of his hair-roughened chest, no longer responded to the hands that moved over her with such bruising urgency, no longer wanted this thrusting possession that seemed to have become an act of brutality, not of love.

  Her rigidity seemed only to enflame whatever terrible demons drove him, as though he wished to take by storm what she now refused to give. As if possessed with fury at her sudden lack of response, he tried to wrest it from her with burning caresses, with fiery kisses, with the domination of his male sexuality. But the battering of her defences only caused every part of her to tighten, rejecting his hurtful and unwanted invasion. And when at the finish she started to rake his shoulders in a belated effort to fight him away, he imprisoned her hands above her head.

  That was the end; it was over in the next moment. He finished with a soul-deep groan, his hard-muscled body cleaving her with a final vehemence that left Domini limp, shaking, and gasping when he was through. He lay utterly spent for a time, still a part of her, the weight of him heavy over her vanquished body, the laboured sound of his breathing harsh in her ears.

  'I hate you,' Domini sobbed. 'I hate you.'

  'Shouldn't you have thought of that before?' he gritted as he rolled away. And then, with not one backward glance at her shivering frame, he flung away and banged into the bedroom he had shared with Nicole.

  And out of that brutal union, Tasey had been born. Domini pressed taut fingers against the pain in her eyes, remembering, hurting as if it had all happened yesterday...